“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided 您 know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.”

“If 您 have an important point to make, 不要'尝试变得微妙或聪明。使用打桩机。击中一次。然后回来 和 hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.”

One of the most common problems that people may run into in conversations – based on my own experiences, emails/comments I get 和 feedback from people in real life – is that their heads go empty 和 they 不要’t know what to say next.


So how can 您 overcome this challenge?



First, here’s my short explanation why 您 might run into this problem.

One reason might be that 您 are simply not prepared or out of 您r “regular world” (meaning for example that 您 go to a party to watch the finals in the world championship in rugby but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).

But a more common reason why 您 may run into this problem is that 您 feel that 您 need to say the “right thing”.

您 may want to not want to appear stupid by saying the wrong things or asking the wrong question. Or 您 want to impress someone.

奖金: Download a free step-by-step cheatsheet that will show 您 how to avoid this syndrome in 您r own life (it's easy to save as a PDF or print out for whenever 您 need it during 您r day or week).

1. 您 不要’t have to be perfect.

Realize that 您 不要’t always have to have the best answer or say the perfect thing. No one is expecting that except 您.

Setting such ridiculous expectations just screws with 您r mind 和 improves nothing. Instead it can lead to a sort of performance anxiety that winds up paralyzing 您r mind.

And so 您 不要’t know what to say next.


When 您 think too much 您 tend to have 您r focus inwards. 您 become self conscious, start to question 您rself 和 fear what the future may bring.


If 您 instead bring 您r awareness back the present moment 您 shift 您r focus outwards again.

您 notice what the people 您 are talking to are actually saying, what is happening in 您r conversation 和 around 您.

This is the natural headspace stay in when 您’re in a conversation. It’s a place where 您 probably are most of the time with 您r closest friends 和 family.

So how do 您 get into this comfortable 和 social headspace?


The simplest way to reconnect with the now is to just focus on 您r breathing or to observe 和 take in 您r surroundings with all 您r senses for just a minute.


Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously 和 thinking “how will this go?” 您 assume that 您 和 the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do 您 do that?

Just before the meeting, 您 just think/pretend that 您’ll be meeting a good friend.

Then 您’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident 和 enjoyable emotional state 和 frame of mind.


Just like with 您r friends.

您 may want to do a combination of breathing to relax if 您 feel tense 和 stressed 和 then 您 保持融洽关系 to bring 您rself into an even more positive headspace.



When 您 are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then 您 are closed up.

您 tend to create division in 您r world 和 mind. 您 create barriers between 您 和 other things/people.


It opens 您 up. And when 您 are open 和 enthusiastic then 您 have more fun things to think about than focusing on 您r nervousness or fear.


But when 您 are curious, 不要’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation.


Instead of asking what someone’s favorite film is just tell them what 您r favorite one is 和 the let them continue from that statement.


Find something in what 您 are already talking about to help 您 move into the next topic.

The topic of fishing lure commercials on TV can help 您 bounce over to the time 您 和 您r uncle got trapped in boat without fuel while fishing.

And then 您 和 the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or the oil problems the world is facing.

您 can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing 您r surroundings.


The tips above should help 您 out but if 您 get really stuck anyway then 您 may want prepare 和 have a few topics in 您r mental backpocket.

  • The person 您 are talking to. 同样,好奇心很好,因为人们喜欢谈论自己。
  • 热情。 人们喜欢分享积极的情绪,并且通常喜欢知道是什么促使对方跳动。
  • Watercooler主题和新闻。 随时更新世界上发生的事情从来没有什么坏处。


This is more of a long-term solution but it makes conversations 和 just about anything easier 和 makes 您r life flow in a natural way.

If 您r thoughts 和 actions aren’t in harmony then 您 不要’t feel so good about 您rself. 您 feel like 您 are disappointing 您rself 和 您r self esteem sinks.

If 您 on the other hand do what 您 deep down think is the right thing as much as 您 can then 您 feel like 您 deserve good things in life (and so the need to impress anyone significantly decreases).

您 feel confident 和 alive.



Now, 您 may think to 您rself:

“This is really helpful information. But what’s the easiest way to put this into practice 和 actually make a real change so I 不要't get stuck in this kind of situation again?”

Well, I’ve got something special for 您…

免费的分步备忘单,其中包括本文中的所有步骤… save it or print it out so 您 have it for 您r daily life 和 for the next time when 您're worried that 您'll 不要't know what to say.

Download it now by entering 您r email below.


图片开头的图片: http://www.flickr.com/photos/caste/ / CC BY-SA 2.0


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  • 我希望他们在学校教给我的21件事。
  • 停止变得如此懒惰的7个步骤。
  • 10 Things 您 Can Do When Life Sucks.



  • This can be a frustrating problem. But when 您 just start taking 您rself less serious 和 maybe risk saying the wrong thing, it doesn’t seem to matter.

    • 我同意克林顿!作为一个相对内向的人,这绝对是我整个学年遭受的苦难。不过,本文中的建议非常有帮助!

  • 我在这里指出了几点。当我也和一个我有浓厚兴趣的人讲话时,我尤其会保持沉默。我认为这是我发生的原因,因为我想与他们共度时光的欲望大于我在特定时刻可以向他们提出或与他们分享的问题/经验的数量。

  • 不错的文章,提供了一些不错的技巧。作为即兴喜剧演员,我会添加“yes, 和 ”提出您的想法。与其努力地想出一些新的想法,不如简单地听(并且像您所建议的那样保持好奇),然后用一个基于他们刚刚说的话的问题或陈述来回答。因此,如果他们提到电影,则可以a)询问他们最喜欢的电影,或者b)提及他们的电影,然后看看他们在说什么。必须不断提出新的主题,这减轻了很多压力。


  • 即使是真正善于交谈的人,总会时不时出现可怕的,令人不舒服的沉默,但通常会出现一些安静的人(例如我)。通常,我会先模糊脑海中的第一件事以重新开始对话,以此来对付这一问题。它’并非总是说最挑剔的话,但它能奏效…有点像在一个寒冷的冬日启动那辆老本田。

  • 好人亨利克,



  • 很棒的文章!
    我以前经常遇到这个问题,但是我’m much better now…

  • 想得太多是我肯定会不时遇到的问题。

    当你听到‘也许我应该说些什么? ’在脑海中,那么您就知道您输入了错误的位置。我发现最好的对话流不透我的脑海。要做到这一点,您要么必须让来自社会的条件性协会陷入困境,要么您必须信任自己和所做的事情。

  • 这确实是一个很棒的网站。非常感谢您提供了很多积极的东西。

  • 这是一个非常有创意的想法。我真的很喜欢“assume rapport”因为有时只是假设融洽就可以将融洽带入一个房间。试图完美地表达语言也总是会失败,因为在任何给定的时刻,没人会知道正确的单词集。很棒的帖子。

  • 从来都不是社交动物,这一刻我很害怕,但是我’我通过集中精力提出了自己的解决方案“you” or who i’我在说话。当谈话停止时,我也倾向于笑容小,仿佛在等待着我的事,这常常会引起另一回响。

  • 有趣的帖子海因里克。一世’这些人中似乎很少有话要说的人之一,所以它真的让我感到难过。我认为人们可以做的另一件事是出席。那会带来巨大的变化,因为您将专注于手头的对话。另外,我发现如果您一直怀着真正的好奇心问问题,人们就会开放,因为大多数人最喜欢的主题是他们自己。这篇文章的重要提示。

  • 嗨亨德里克–好点和有用的提示。当您开始对话时,我会加一点微笑并保持积极的态度..现在可能是关于天气(无论如何在这里!),而缩写词FROGS–家庭,职业,体育… except I can’记得R和G代表什么…绝望!!反正’保持开放并发现其他人’兴趣并引导对话。

    我有一个有趣的经历–我遇到了整形外科医生&他的妻子,当我和我母亲在落基山脉旅行时,–而且他显然很充实。所以我们和他们一起吃了第二顿饭..我只是问他们问题– he mostly answered – they didn’t ask us one thing –我们来自英国..吃了一顿饭=我为自己的工作方式感到惊讶– as I’d进行测试以查看是否’s what would happen –让人感到以自我为中心的人。

    很高兴来到这里– have a good 2010

  • As always, thank 您 all for the added insight 和 tips. 您 made this 文章 a lot more helpful for the readers. :)

  • iya

    I just wanted to say that I loved 您r 文章. It was really well written 和 very informative :-) I’ll be using 您r tips this weekend, thank 您 very much!


  • 一月

    改变‘me’ -talk in to ‘you’-talk似乎引发了对话,因为这是关于询问另一个人感兴趣的事物的。通常,一段时间后,对话变成了交流,即参与者之间的共享。

    The other thing is to free 您rself from the guilt of having things to say. There is no need of talking if 您 have nothing to say. Just listen.