“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided 您 know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.”
詹姆斯·内森·米勒
“If 您 have an important point to make, 不要'尝试变得微妙或聪明。使用打桩机。击中一次。然后回来 和 hit it again. Then hit it a third time-a tremendous whack.”
温斯顿·丘吉尔
One of the most common problems that people may run into in conversations – based on my own experiences, emails/comments I get 和 feedback from people in real life – is that their heads go empty 和 they 不要’t know what to say next.
谈话陷入僵局，甚至可能会有令人不安的沉默。
So how can 您 overcome this challenge?
这就是我的工作。
为什么会出现这个问题？
First, here’s my short explanation why 您 might run into this problem.
One reason might be that 您 are simply not prepared or out of 您r “regular world” (meaning for example that 您 go to a party to watch the finals in the world championship in rugby but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).
But a more common reason why 您 may run into this problem is that 您 feel that 您 need to say the “right thing”.
您 may want to not want to appear stupid by saying the wrong things or asking the wrong question. Or 您 want to impress someone.
奖金： Download a free step-by-step cheatsheet that will show 您 how to avoid this syndrome in 您r own life (it's easy to save as a PDF or print out for whenever 您 need it during 您r day or week).
1. 您 不要’t have to be perfect.
Realize that 您 不要’t always have to have the best answer or say the perfect thing. No one is expecting that except 您.
Setting such ridiculous expectations just screws with 您r mind 和 improves nothing. Instead it can lead to a sort of performance anxiety that winds up paralyzing 您r mind.
And so 您 不要’t know what to say next.
2.不要想太多。
When 您 think too much 您 tend to have 您r focus inwards. 您 become self conscious, start to question 您rself 和 fear what the future may bring.
您在说些什么之间陷入困境，什么也没结果。
If 您 instead bring 您r awareness back the present moment 您 shift 您r focus outwards again.
您 notice what the people 您 are talking to are actually saying, what is happening in 您r conversation 和 around 您.
This is the natural headspace stay in when 您’re in a conversation. It’s a place where 您 probably are most of the time with 您r closest friends 和 family.
So how do 您 get into this comfortable 和 social headspace?
呼吸或观察。
The simplest way to reconnect with the now is to just focus on 您r breathing or to observe 和 take in 您r surroundings with all 您r senses for just a minute.
假设融洽。
Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously 和 thinking “how will this go?” 您 assume that 您 和 the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).
How do 您 do that?
Just before the meeting, 您 just think/pretend that 您’ll be meeting a good friend.
Then 您’ll naturally slip into a more comfortable, confident 和 enjoyable emotional state 和 frame of mind.
在这种心态下，交谈往往会自然而然地进行，而无需考虑太多。
Just like with 您r friends.
您 may want to do a combination of breathing to relax if 您 feel tense 和 stressed 和 then 您 保持融洽关系 to bring 您rself into an even more positive headspace.
从紧张直面到成功建立融洽关系可能是双色球诗谜汇总巨大的飞跃。
3.激发好奇心。
When 您 are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then 您 are closed up.
您 tend to create division in 您r world 和 mind. 您 create barriers between 您 和 other things/people.
另一方面，好奇心充满了期待和热情。
It opens 您 up. And when 您 are open 和 enthusiastic then 您 have more fun things to think about than focusing on 您r nervousness or fear.
所以很好奇。
But when 您 are curious, 不要’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation.
将问题与陈述混在一起。
Instead of asking what someone’s favorite film is just tell them what 您r favorite one is 和 the let them continue from that statement.
4.助理。
Find something in what 您 are already talking about to help 您 move into the next topic.
The topic of fishing lure commercials on TV can help 您 bounce over to the time 您 和 您r uncle got trapped in boat without fuel while fishing.
And then 您 和 the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or the oil problems the world is facing.
您 can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing 您r surroundings.
5.准备。
The tips above should help 您 out but if 您 get really stuck anyway then 您 may want prepare 和 have a few topics in 您r mental backpocket.
- The person 您 are talking to. 同样，好奇心很好，因为人们喜欢谈论自己。
- 热情。 人们喜欢分享积极的情绪，并且通常喜欢知道是什么促使对方跳动。
- Watercooler主题和新闻。 随时更新世界上发生的事情从来没有什么坏处。
6.做正确的事。
This is more of a long-term solution but it makes conversations 和 just about anything easier 和 makes 您r life flow in a natural way.
If 您r thoughts 和 actions aren’t in harmony then 您 不要’t feel so good about 您rself. 您 feel like 您 are disappointing 您rself 和 您r self esteem sinks.
If 您 on the other hand do what 您 deep down think is the right thing as much as 您 can then 您 feel like 您 deserve good things in life (and so the need to impress anyone significantly decreases).
您 feel confident 和 alive.
当然，在任何交互中，这确实都是主要的过程。
这是下一步...
Now, 您 may think to 您rself:
“This is really helpful information. But what’s the easiest way to put this into practice 和 actually make a real change so I 不要't get stuck in this kind of situation again?”
Well, I’ve got something special for 您…
免费的分步备忘单，其中包括本文中的所有步骤… save it or print it out so 您 have it for 您r daily life 和 for the next time when 您're worried that 您'll 不要't know what to say.
Download it now by entering 您r email below.
图片开头的图片： http://www.flickr.com/photos/caste/ / CC BY-SA 2.0
This can be a frustrating problem. But when 您 just start taking 您rself less serious 和 maybe risk saying the wrong thing, it doesn’t seem to matter.